Dangerous Chinese Things

I hope everyone who reads this is had a nice holiday last week. This was after all one of the world’s most celebrated holiday seasons and of course I’m referring to the fifteen days of the Chinese New Year and not that other saintly holiday which, by the way, is not even an official “Saints Day” according to the Catholic Church. The fact of the matter is, the modern holiday probably has more to do with a pagan festival involving public nudity and undergarment flailing.

My wife’s family, having immigrated from Taiwan, treats this as a season of festivity and gift-giving. Consequently, with a five-year-old daughter, we get a lot of toys.

Ah, the toys.

If I were ever to start a blog that wasn’t by-and-large rambling and directionless, my wife suggested I call it…


Seriously, I’d have years of material. take this innocuous example:

dangerous toy

dangerous toy


Kind of cute, right? It has an identical companion. You’re supposed to catch and throw the yellow ping-pong ball thingies that look disturbingly like eyes with the vinyl sheet.

Here’s where it gets dangerous…

Little missile.

Exhibit A.


You see, when you open it and shut it, this little metal pin slides out of place and launches across the room with the force of an anti-eye missile. There is no way to secure it.

Maybe instead, I should title this hypothetical blog, “Why American Children are Clearly Too Fragile for the Modern World.”

Only that would make for really long URLs.

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